In Praise Of Praise

The way we praise our kids matters.

Research

• Research shows that it is better for kids, in the long run, when parents praise their effort instead of their results.
• “PRAISING a smart son or daughter for his or her intelligence may make the youngster anxious and ill-equipped to deal with failure, a team of psychologists has found."
• "It is much better to praise a child for effort, said Claudia Mueller and Carol Dweck, researchers at Columbia University.”
• *Praise Children for Effort, Not Intelligence, Study Says.  

REUTERS JULY 14, 1998

Relax

• Don't worry! We all do this! Notice the word "may", it doesn't say it "will" cause anxiety. This is just a good reminder to not do this ALL the time and to notice what you are saying.

A better way

• Encourage your kids when things are difficult to do.
• Notice the effort your kids are making.
• Praise effort, "Wow, I love how hard you are working to learn to tie your own shoes!"
• Describe what you see them doing.
• Avoid praising outward things. For example, "You are the prettiest girl on the planet."
• Say nice things about your kids to other people when your kiddos can overhear you. It helps them feel competent and loved!
• Use specific praise. For example say, "I love the way you shared your legos!" instead of, "You are such a good boy!"
• This way you are teaching your kids the value of working hard, staying on task, solving problems, etc…